Viridescent

I love the word viridescent. It is a complex notion: cent, scent, descent, iridescent, viridescent. A V for victory for five different meanings in one word!

Okay, so it is 2:00 and I am waiting on my new computer...which should have been here saturday.  See the thing is, since it is an insured package of over $2000 I have to be here to sign for it and present an ID verifying that I am in fact Ashlee Brooks!  So therefore I am sitting here at 2:00 when I should most def. be in the studio listening to Brad speak about color/material rendering!  I can tell you this one thing for certain, I would MUCH rather be sitting there and feeling productive then sitting here and waiting.  For all of you who know me...I HATE sitting and doing nothing, it's one of the worst things in the world!  I just can't take it...I really would love to just explode right now.  Now on the other hand...I could def. not go to computer applications and be completely happy about it.  There is just something about that class (maybe not having a computer and having to go sit in there and do absolutely nothing) that just bothers the crap out of me! 

Most of you have probably noticed by now that I haven't been responding promptly if at all to your messages.  Well...I have been extremely busy lately and not having a computer that works half way decent plays a huge factor in that as well.  But as soon as I get up and going w/ my new computer I will try my best to get back to you! 

Update on my life...I'm doing fairly well besides the fact that I'm really busy and such.  There are a few areas that I'm not certain of...but who doesn't have those right?  At least I have somewhat pulled out of this slump I was in for a good portion of the last couple of weeks.  But it seems as if things are starting to pull together for the most part...though there is one thing I have absolutely no idea how to deal w/, but that has come to be expected and I should spend/waste time worrying about things I can't change right? 

Anyway, I must be getting something to do before I drive myself insane!  I thought about writing a new short story...but I started and it just wasn't working for me, the creative juices don't seem to be flowing very well today.  I'm out for now!  Later Kids!

You had me at hello....
Current mood: drained

This song is particularly true for me...and anyone who really knows me knows that!  I prefer the Jerry McGuire version b/c that is one of my favorite movies ever!  "I'm not letting you...let go of me!"

"She’ll let you in her house
If you come knockin’ late at night
She’ll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She’ll let you deep inside
But there’s a secret garden she hides

She’ll let you in her car
To go drivin’ round
She’ll let you into the parts of herself
That’ll bring you down
She’ll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don’t think twice

You’ve gone a million miles
How far’d you get
To that place where you can’t remember
And you can’t forget

She’ll lead you down a path
There’ll be tenderness in the air
She’ll let you come just far enough
So you know she’s really there
She’ll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She’s got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away"

**I wish it wasn't so far!**

Ever feel like you are on the back end of things?
Current mood: frustrated

Me too.

Her back arches skyward as the long beam of sunlight exposes her to the world. The warmth of the sun sends a light tingle trough her body, she sighs. Rolling over on her stomach she see the wood grain in the floor, a never ending road to nowhere that her eyes dare not voyage on.

The deep dark, rich color of the walnut reminds her of past lovers, and possibly future lovers. Will their caress be as forever as the warmth in the floor? Or will they be as fleeting as the sunbeam?

The warmth of the sun now leaves her as it sinks slowly into the ocean. The warmth of the floor dissipates like a lost lovers touch. The feeling returns, the deep yearning. When will I feel again? She muses….

She stands.
Disappointed.
Longing.

***So...I'm not gunna lie, on little to no sleep last night I have had a lot on my mind today.  Maybe I am overthinking things a little too much, but I highly doubt that.  I'm having some issues here at school that I'm just not sure how to deal w/, nothing seems to be going in the right direction, and I have come to realize that i really need to stop reading certain myspace pages because it is just putting my mind in unwanted territory.  On one side, everything here at school is fantastic, but when it comes to the grown up aspects of being here (financial status, obligations, committments, etc..) things are not so great.  I really just wish I could be here and not have to worry about those things, but alas...I have taken on the responsibilities and I must deal.  Okay really...when it all comes down to this: I'm sick of not feeling appreciated.  Yeah, that is why I spend so much time in the studio working on projects that I make endless just because I don't want to face the fact that....honestly...nobody cares?  I dunno...maybe I just need to cut myself off from the outside world for a few days and just breathe.  Then again, the cell phone is quiet, the mailbox is empty, and the IMs are static...I pretty much am cut off from the outside world.  Thank heavens that I have an awesome roommate and Hannah here....or I might just fall apart.  Okay...maybe i'm overreacting...but is it asking too much to ask you to at least pretend that you want me around?  Maybe so....gah!  I hate this...I never get this way!  What is wrong w/ me?!  Sheesh!  It's not like me to not be able to find something good out of these situations....boo on reality!